Next week I will be unemployed for the first time in 4 years. I will be just one more person to lose my job as redundancies continue to be rolled out in the majority of industries.
I work hard, I have skills and ambition, but due to a colleague demotion I became next on the list. All continuing job slots were filled.
How do I feel?
I feel angry, let down, sad and a little afraid, of course I do. I also feel relieved. My department produce some good work and I respect that. But do I want to be there? No. Do I dislike my job? No, that would be the straightforward explanation.
Why am I relieved?
Emotionally, my time in the department has been tough. Despite the many wonderful friends I have made and will stay in touch with, the problem is the way I feel.
I have lost all confidence in myself
I have worked in the department for nearly two years and I have been in tears on several occasions. I have close friends who have experienced the same phenomenon.
During this time I have done my colleague’s work for them, been emotionally abused by that colleague, had numerous interviews to stay in my own job and failed at several attempts for a promotion.
I do believe that unemployment is an opportunity, but will I face similar challenges again? Probably. Will I be able to handle them? Maybe. After all, it isn’t personal, it just really feels that way.
Dylan Moran has said:
“We have 4 stages in life: Young, failure, old and dead.”
It’s funny because it’s true.
When I told a lady twenty years my senior that I wanted a job that I enjoy she said ‘well that’s just life’. I don’t accept that, I believe that we should all be able to go to work and retain our sense of well-being.
I want a job that is nurturing and supportive.
It’s not just about the job, we all know that — we want to be cared for. It feels almost embarrassing to admit it but it shouldn’t be. We all deserve it.
I don’t know what is the next step for me and no job can ever be perfect. All jobs have difficulties and work is exactly that. I do know that when I next take a job I’ll think a little bit about what they are offering to me as well as what I can offer to them.
First published on Medium.